Okay, so I'm back. School is over with for about a month. So it gives me a little bit of time to focus on starting new and better habits so that I don't have to think about it when my mind is on a hundred other things. I have started eating better as of yesterday. I am eating portion sizes and not stuffing myself. I am not snacking just because I am bored. I am going to tell you guys just because I need you to hold me accountable. I got down to 160 this summer which was a great accomplishment, but right before I hit my "goal" I turned in the opposite direction. As of yesterday morning, I had reached 178! Can you believe that. I weighed myself this morning (for the sake of getting a starting point, and I weighed 176. So apparently, just the way I ate yesterday alone helped me to at least lose some fluid, which I know I didn't lose fat, but I know that I am on the right track. I am asking God for his support so I a confident that this will work. I am determined.
I am disgusted in myself in so many ways. I hate that all the progress I worked for this summer has all been erased. I hate that I am NOT able to control myself. I hate that I ask God to help me to be more obedient but I still insist on having "little snacks here and there" especially when I am not hungry. It will work this time and I know it. And Dianna, I am at that point now where I don't like my face again. What a terrible feeling. I know that it is also important to look good for your husband, no matter what he says. I hate that my rings are getting too tight on me. I hate that my shirts are getting too short or too tight. I just hate it all. I am at that point where I need to take control of my bad habits.
I keep thinking back to the church birthday party on Friday when I was hanging around the chocolate fountain and Tony said to me, "You can stop Leah" and I didn't so he tried to box me away from the table. Then I just joked with him and said, "Don't worry, I'll put it on my blog". (See Tony I told you I would :) I feel like such a big pooh head. He was trying to help me, I just still fought it. I don't want to fight it anymore. Please help me if you see me doing something silly. I know it is all about what I want to do, but if you feel compelled to do so, then please step in and say something to me. Also, Jane and Dianna, if we could on Friday possibly get together and pray about our night before the food comes out that would be great. I would really appreciate that.
I still seem to be hungry a lot, but I think its because my belly is stretched. I will try to fight the urge for a little while and continue to pray about it until my belly shrinks. Also, what I decided to do, as a strategy for when I go out to eat, is order something that would make a good leftover. My biggest problem with stuffing myself is that I hate wasting food. This way, I know I can have it later as a meal, I don't have to cook, and best of all, I never wasted anything. Other things I have thought of is dishing myself amounts of food at a time that way I don't feel compelled to eat it all. I can always go back and get more. And if there isn't any and I am still hungry, apples always work. Thats another thing. I need to pick up lots of fruit. Fruit really tends to fill me up so it will be a good snack when I get hungry, like I was last night.
2 comments:
Leah,
Glad to see you're back. You are not alone, I have such a hard time with thing too, I can't seem to put down food, although I'm trying. I did put down a muffin only to pick it up later but at least it was later and I didn't stuff myself. I'll be in the prayer circle Friday. Maybe on Sundays we can have a short prayer to get us through the week.
Good Luck with everything and I'll help if I can but don't just concentrate on food, just eat when hungry stop when full. That's what Dianna is doing. It's hard I know. but hey, Dianna is doing well with it, we can do it and we won't be depriving ourselves of anything!!!!!
I'll see you tomorrow night!!! only 1 slice of pizza maybe 2 or maybe 1 1/2. We'll see!!!!!!!
Love ya and don't hate your face, there is nothing wrong with it you goofball!!!!!!
Jane
Leah,
Your face is adorable, but I know what you mean. We tend to be our own worst critics. I'd be more than happy to pray with you guys any time about food...or anything else, actually. It sounds on one hand, that you are ready to get serious about submitting your eating habits to God, which is awesome. On the other hand, though,your discouragement at yourself is coming through loud & clear. Try to look at every failure as a step closer to finding the right way to lose weight. Don't let Satan convince you that just because you have been failing means that you'll fail this time. Try to take on day...one meal, even, at a time. Celebrate every bite you didn't eat that you normally would have. Celebrate every time you waited for hunger, or turned to the Lord instead of eating out of boredom, habit, sadness, etc.... Think of it like this...you don't have to win every battle, but you have to at least put up the good fight & have faith that He can win it for you if you don't get in the way. Not everyone is going to have the same experience as me. I have screwed up eating for 33 years & I had what I really think is a revelation from God. It may be more of a gradual process for you. Take one battle at a time. You can do it!! Love ya, Dianna
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