With God, all things are possible

So I have been feeling better about myself lately. I still haven't taken care of the busy issue in my life but I hoping that aspect is just temporary. I got a lot of money recently and I was actually responsible (for the most part). I put four new desperately needed tires on my car, I paid almost all of my credit report debt, I stocked up on food and some supplies etc. We only went out to eat once (which is really good for me). I have been doing pretty well with the eating habits. This weekend was a bit of a challenge and I didn't do well but I wouldn't say that I failed either. I ate a bigger portion of spagetti than I should have but I didn't go back for more and I didn't gain any weight from it. I was able to control myself and that was what was most important to me. I have been getting up and exercising consistently on the weekdays but not the weekends. I haven't been able to find the time on the weekends for some reason. I am always on the go and Saturday is the only day I can somewhat sleep in before going to school.

It really does help that I have been praying not only for my food but for myself eating the food. Its amazing. God is amazing.

I have to say that a major stress that is still in my life is my busy lifestyle. I feel however that everything I do is necessary. I think that I really need more hours in the day and days in the week. Not minutes in the hour though. I work 6.5 hours a day and wouldn't want that to be any longer than it needs to be. I wonder though, if that were the case, would I still find myself in the same situation. Kind of like people who want more and more money and when they get it, they just find themselves in more debt.

America's two biggest idols - food and money

So I was put to the test last night. We went to Point Breeze. I had a half of a chicken tender and a crab cake for appetizers and two slices of Italian bread (which was going over board). Then I ordered baked haddock with mashed potatoes and a salad. I ate the salad first. Then I ate all of the haddock and only half of the potatoes. The haddock wasn't too big so that was good. I don't think that I have ever gone out to eat without finishing everything in front of me. The bread was the hardest part. I asked a woman who was a part of our party to take the bread because it was driving me insane. But the point is that I was actually able to resist.

I have been losing a lb a day. I know I shouldn't weigh in everyday but it is just a habit I got into because my boss has a scale in her bathroom. I weigh every time I go to the bathroom. Whatever. Also, I know that in the beginning you lose a lot of water weight so that is fine. I will not get discouraged because my main focus is to not let food take control of me.

I also have the same problem with money. I'm not obsessed with it but I tend to spend it quickly. I always pay my bills on time but whatever is left gets spent. Its really bad. So the two things I have been working on are food and money. I have been doing okay. Last night I spent more money than I should have on food because I hadn't balanced my checkbook after cashing my check so all I thought of was that I had lots of money. I didn't think of all bills I had to pay and I dipped into my gas money. I'm not too worried about it because I know God will figure something out for me. Maybe I'll get my tax return this weekend. But I am trying my best to drive as little as possible.

I know we originally started blogging because of food but for me its about accountability. Most people wouldn't share so much personal stuff, especially about finances, but it is something that I am struggling with so it needs to be brought out in the open. I feel like I am getting stronger in my faith and I am ready to tackle these issues. I had been struggling for a while with some spiritual warfare but I have finally risen above it all. I am reading the bible MUCH MORE and it feels great.

Its just so funny how the more problems you work on, the more problems you realize you actually have.

Well I guess thats all for now. I'm getting sleepy. Diann, sorry about last night but I hear you had a good time playing Trivial Pursuit! I wanna play! Oh well, there's always DDR. See you Sunday. You too Jane.

Small Portions

I have to say, God has really been helping me lately. I have been getting up early to exercise and have been eating smaller (much smaller) portions. When I want to eat when I'm not hungry or shouldn't be hungry, I just pray and read the bible. It has been working out awesome for me. I had a couple of things said to me this weekend about my weight that bothered me. Granted, those things shouldn't have been said, but I am using it as motivation. I keep looking at my self in the mirror and it seems like my neck line is disappearing and my lumps are getting bigger. I have just had it with myself and I finally gave it over to the Lord.

I have lost a few pounds just this weekend. My boss looked at my lunch today and asked me if that was all I was eating. I'm not starving myself. I'm eating only what I should eat... small portions and small snacks in between. This way I am really hungry when I eat and it gives my body a chance to digest. I make sure that if I have anything in the house, it is fruit. I love fruit and it is full of vitamins and minerals.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know how everything has been going. Jane and Dianna, see you tonight!

Back on the wagon (aka the elliptical)

Well, its been a few weeks but I have finally gotten into exercising today. Now that I was able to do it today I think I am back on the wagon again. It was a bit of a struggling considering the length of time I have been out of it, but I got through it. I can't do the weights yet because of my neck and shoulder injury but I think in a couple more weeks I should be fine. I just don't want to make things any worse.

I have been watching my eating a lot more lately. Except when we were at Wright's Glutton Farm last Saturday :). Anyway, I feel good. I have lost any more weight but at least I am feeling better about myself.

Its funny, I feel like I only post the good things about myself lately. Don't mean to. Its just that I am happy and I have some time during my lunch to share with you guys.

I made this really good boneless stuffed chicken last night with apple stuffing. I should make that again because I think that it wasn't too fattening and it tasted great. Maybe if we have a potluck again I'll think about it.

Okay just rambling now! I'll talk to you guys later. And Jane, see you tonight! Dianna, see you every other day.

Motivation

So I feel really great lately. I have been exercising which is huge for me. I can start to see myself tone up and I have a lot more energy. I am doing better with not eating so much but only on the weekdays as usual. On the weekends, we have football parties and there is just goodies laying around everywhere, although, I have to say that this weekend was a little better for me than most. I think it was because I had heartburn already. But it didn't stop me from eating the chilli and the buffalo chicken dip. All in all, I know I didn't do a great job but I didn't do terribly either compared to my usual behavior which is good.

There are two things that have been really motivating for me lately. First of all, being able to wake up in the morning to fight the urge to stay asleep and exercise instead is really encouraging. I feel that it is because I am doing in the name of the Lord. Also, I can see my belly starting to flatten after just a couple of weeks of my workouts. This really keeps me going. What tends to happen is that I disappoint myself and give up. I get to hard on myself.

Anyway, I got 15 left of break and I gotta do my bible study group reading. Its a really awesome book about doing small little things for people to bring them closer to Jesus. I really puts things into perspective for me.

Little, itty, bitty, tiny, small, eensy, weesny, steps.,. but I am getting closer

Sorry I haven't gotten a chance to post. I can't go online at work anymore for anything that isn't work related. Anyway, I really struggle. I am doing better in some areas but not in others one day and vice versa the next. I am reading another book (which probably the only people read this already know about) called A Walk Across the Room. I think that this also helps me with an issue that I have related my life overloading. It helps me to understand that I can be a servant of God without going above and beyond. Its actually the little things that you can do that really help to bring people closer to relationship with God.

So anyway, I did good with my eating all last week (during the week of course) I lost 4 lbs! Then the weekend came. I ate a big mound of some strawberry, pastry, ice cream mess! It actually looked bigger than it was but still, it was definitely not something I needed. It was funny because I contemplated either a salad or a dessert. Of course I chose the dessert. What a silly monkey head I am.

Other than that, I have been exercising and reading the bible much more. Actually the fact that I am exercising at all is something worth talking about. I am doing good. Now I just got to work on going to bed at a normal hour so I don't have to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I am getting there. One piece of common sense at a time. I don't want to overload my brain (no comments from the peanut gallery please!).

Anyway, just wanted to update you guys although, one of you sees me multiple times a week and probably just about everyday on the phone. Love you Jane and Dianna!

Overworked

Okay, I am back. Sorry I have not posted in a while. Its been a busy time and I just kinda fell into this weird funk. Sunday service was really uplifting for me. I kinda had this attitude like I shouldn't be going up on the alter because I am not where I should be. I got out of that attitude quickly as I saw prayers being answered immediately. Also, the pastor's sermon touched upon so many things that I have been dealing with.

The New Year has nothing to do with this but I really want to just start over new. Jane says that we need to start praying for each other. I do pray for my sisters (Jane and Dianna) but I kinda just touch upon it. Jane, I will really try to pray hard for you. This is a terrible struggle. I think that this is that hardest thing that I have ever tried to overcome. The will power is definitely there, but the temptations are overcoming it. I have quit cigarettes, I have gotten out of a terrible life style, I have overcome so many hurdles. I seems like the more I try to fight this one, the harder it gets. I feel like I am letting the devil win. I know God has the power to help me win this battle, but I really need to learn how to leave it with him.

I have been thinking about quitting at least the Web page right now. I ask that who reads this pray about someone stepping up and taking this job over for me. I have not been able to keep up with it and it burdens me. Its just another thing to worry about. I keep thinking that I should give up the scrap booking but that is something that I love to do. If I could just get the funding I need, I would feel better about it. So that is why I started the calenders, but it seems as though my ink cartridges are liking this project too much. I just have so much on my plate right now.

I have been reading this book the pastor gave me called Boundaries. The very beginning of the book describes a womens day from the time she wakes up to the point where she goes to bed and I felt like I was reading about a book about myself. The woman in the book felt like she needed to do everything that was asked of her because it was for God and she would be rewarded. Pastor said something in church on Sunday, which related to my book. In Galatians 6:1-5 it says:

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

In the sermon, the pastor explained how to carry each other's burdens but also to make sure you carry your own load. A burden is described as a boulder. A boulder is something that someone needs help with because they can move it on their own. A load is equivalent to a backpack which is made for someone to carry by himself. So in other words, you should only help people with the things that they need help with. If you help people with everything they ask for, you will find yourself worrying more about helping other people and not yourself, and eventually you will end up burnt out and resentful.

I read an example in my book about some parents who had a son that dropped out of college to do drugs, drink alcohol and party all day. They tried to help him by loving him by providing housing, food, money, etc. with hopes that he will see the light. Eventually they went to a psychologist to ask their advice. They told him that their son would not come because he didn't think he had a problem. The shrink told them that their son was right and he didn't have a problem. The parents were shocked with this response and asked what he meant. He then explained that the parents were taking on the problem by supporting him and by this they were enabling him. They were not letting him deal with the problem and until they did, he would change his ways because there was no reason to.

I know that has nothing to do with my responsibilities at church, but somehow that story helped me to understand other things that I do. I have started to realize more now of what my mother has always do for so many people and where I get it from. My mother has never said no to anyone. So therefore, I have a problem saying no. I love to help people, but I need to stop doing things that other people are fully capable of doing themselves. I should save all my energy for things that really need to be done.

Okay, so that was my schpeal (or however you would spell it) for the night. It is just something that has really been on my mind lately. If anyone has any ideas on things that will help me, please feel free to share. I know that people have their excuses, and I don't think that this is an excuse, but I feel like if I solve this issue in my life, it will help to deal more with others because my brain won't be so flustered (I know, I just opened myself up to all kinds of remarks with that statement!).