Motivation

So I feel really great lately. I have been exercising which is huge for me. I can start to see myself tone up and I have a lot more energy. I am doing better with not eating so much but only on the weekdays as usual. On the weekends, we have football parties and there is just goodies laying around everywhere, although, I have to say that this weekend was a little better for me than most. I think it was because I had heartburn already. But it didn't stop me from eating the chilli and the buffalo chicken dip. All in all, I know I didn't do a great job but I didn't do terribly either compared to my usual behavior which is good.

There are two things that have been really motivating for me lately. First of all, being able to wake up in the morning to fight the urge to stay asleep and exercise instead is really encouraging. I feel that it is because I am doing in the name of the Lord. Also, I can see my belly starting to flatten after just a couple of weeks of my workouts. This really keeps me going. What tends to happen is that I disappoint myself and give up. I get to hard on myself.

Anyway, I got 15 left of break and I gotta do my bible study group reading. Its a really awesome book about doing small little things for people to bring them closer to Jesus. I really puts things into perspective for me.

Little, itty, bitty, tiny, small, eensy, weesny, steps.,. but I am getting closer

Sorry I haven't gotten a chance to post. I can't go online at work anymore for anything that isn't work related. Anyway, I really struggle. I am doing better in some areas but not in others one day and vice versa the next. I am reading another book (which probably the only people read this already know about) called A Walk Across the Room. I think that this also helps me with an issue that I have related my life overloading. It helps me to understand that I can be a servant of God without going above and beyond. Its actually the little things that you can do that really help to bring people closer to relationship with God.

So anyway, I did good with my eating all last week (during the week of course) I lost 4 lbs! Then the weekend came. I ate a big mound of some strawberry, pastry, ice cream mess! It actually looked bigger than it was but still, it was definitely not something I needed. It was funny because I contemplated either a salad or a dessert. Of course I chose the dessert. What a silly monkey head I am.

Other than that, I have been exercising and reading the bible much more. Actually the fact that I am exercising at all is something worth talking about. I am doing good. Now I just got to work on going to bed at a normal hour so I don't have to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I am getting there. One piece of common sense at a time. I don't want to overload my brain (no comments from the peanut gallery please!).

Anyway, just wanted to update you guys although, one of you sees me multiple times a week and probably just about everyday on the phone. Love you Jane and Dianna!

Overworked

Okay, I am back. Sorry I have not posted in a while. Its been a busy time and I just kinda fell into this weird funk. Sunday service was really uplifting for me. I kinda had this attitude like I shouldn't be going up on the alter because I am not where I should be. I got out of that attitude quickly as I saw prayers being answered immediately. Also, the pastor's sermon touched upon so many things that I have been dealing with.

The New Year has nothing to do with this but I really want to just start over new. Jane says that we need to start praying for each other. I do pray for my sisters (Jane and Dianna) but I kinda just touch upon it. Jane, I will really try to pray hard for you. This is a terrible struggle. I think that this is that hardest thing that I have ever tried to overcome. The will power is definitely there, but the temptations are overcoming it. I have quit cigarettes, I have gotten out of a terrible life style, I have overcome so many hurdles. I seems like the more I try to fight this one, the harder it gets. I feel like I am letting the devil win. I know God has the power to help me win this battle, but I really need to learn how to leave it with him.

I have been thinking about quitting at least the Web page right now. I ask that who reads this pray about someone stepping up and taking this job over for me. I have not been able to keep up with it and it burdens me. Its just another thing to worry about. I keep thinking that I should give up the scrap booking but that is something that I love to do. If I could just get the funding I need, I would feel better about it. So that is why I started the calenders, but it seems as though my ink cartridges are liking this project too much. I just have so much on my plate right now.

I have been reading this book the pastor gave me called Boundaries. The very beginning of the book describes a womens day from the time she wakes up to the point where she goes to bed and I felt like I was reading about a book about myself. The woman in the book felt like she needed to do everything that was asked of her because it was for God and she would be rewarded. Pastor said something in church on Sunday, which related to my book. In Galatians 6:1-5 it says:

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

In the sermon, the pastor explained how to carry each other's burdens but also to make sure you carry your own load. A burden is described as a boulder. A boulder is something that someone needs help with because they can move it on their own. A load is equivalent to a backpack which is made for someone to carry by himself. So in other words, you should only help people with the things that they need help with. If you help people with everything they ask for, you will find yourself worrying more about helping other people and not yourself, and eventually you will end up burnt out and resentful.

I read an example in my book about some parents who had a son that dropped out of college to do drugs, drink alcohol and party all day. They tried to help him by loving him by providing housing, food, money, etc. with hopes that he will see the light. Eventually they went to a psychologist to ask their advice. They told him that their son would not come because he didn't think he had a problem. The shrink told them that their son was right and he didn't have a problem. The parents were shocked with this response and asked what he meant. He then explained that the parents were taking on the problem by supporting him and by this they were enabling him. They were not letting him deal with the problem and until they did, he would change his ways because there was no reason to.

I know that has nothing to do with my responsibilities at church, but somehow that story helped me to understand other things that I do. I have started to realize more now of what my mother has always do for so many people and where I get it from. My mother has never said no to anyone. So therefore, I have a problem saying no. I love to help people, but I need to stop doing things that other people are fully capable of doing themselves. I should save all my energy for things that really need to be done.

Okay, so that was my schpeal (or however you would spell it) for the night. It is just something that has really been on my mind lately. If anyone has any ideas on things that will help me, please feel free to share. I know that people have their excuses, and I don't think that this is an excuse, but I feel like if I solve this issue in my life, it will help to deal more with others because my brain won't be so flustered (I know, I just opened myself up to all kinds of remarks with that statement!).