What is wrong with me? I am addicted to be busy I think. I have gotten in the habit of becoming as busy as possible so that I won't think about my terrible past. I used to do it purposely because I didn't have enough going on in the day and I would sit there and be depressed, and now I just do it subconsciously. I need to work my way out of this habit bad because it is one of my biggest problems. This problem is what leads to so many other issues. I want to get so much done all at once and I forget that I am only one person. I am not God and I cannot perform miracles. I ask anyone who knows me and catches me taking on another task that I just don't need in my life please speak up and say something to me. I was up all night making that calender. If I were all caught up on my schoolwork, it would be one thing, but I'm not. I am very, very behind. I need to get A's in the rest of my classes to even be eligible for a scholarship at Nichols next year.
Also, I want to start waking up no later than 6:00 a.m. I have been working my way there. The alarm went off at 6:30 this morning and I got up before snooze alarm went off (I always hit it in case I fall back asleep). That was good, even hardly any sleep. I want to try for 6:00 tomorrow and I don't want any excuses of why I can't walk down stairs to our mini gym and exercise. I can do it. I did it before. After hearing my about my friend Dianna's success, it just makes me want to try so much harder. She has lost 13 lbs in a couple weeks, 7 of that being in just a couple days. At first I was discouraged because I realized how bad I am doing. Thats the devil again though. Telling me I'm not good enough. I have been doing better on my spending more time with the Lord. If I just increase that a little more, I am sure that I will start doing a lot better. More of God and less of me.
2 comments:
Leah,
I think sometimes the problem is you are too hard on yourself! You have to remember what you have come from and how far you have come. It took you twenty years to be the person you were and two years to be the person you are now! You have to know that that is amazing! And you also have to know God loves you and he would never be angry with you, so take your time and you will get there, and he will be there with you to help you through. I think its hard to do EVERYTHING you have set out for yourself all at once. I think your goals are great and you should definitely have them, but remember it takes time, and little by little you will get there. You will get caught up on your school work, and you will make more time for God, and you will start getting up earlier, and you will start eating better(and when you are down to your goal weight that will be one less thing on your list), and you will be more submissive to your husband(even though I'm sure you know how I feel about that), and you WILL accomplish all of the goals you have set for yourself you know why, because you are amazing and you are a good Christian and God loves you and you love him, and sometimes I know that doesn't seem like enough but in time you will find out it is! Keep up all the good things you are doing and don't let Satan make you beat yourself up, about the things you feel you aren't changing right at this second. And if there's anyone out there that thinks they could set a list of goals for themselves and completely 100% do all of them by the next day, well they're just silly! I know you can do all these things, remember I've watched you change and grow over these past few years, and I of all people know you can do it!!! I love you with all my heart keep up the good work, and keep working at it! Remember practice makes perfect.
Leah,
Don't get discouraged & don't stop writing. Just continue to be honest with where you're at. Just putting it "out there" is good. I agree with much of what your friend Denise said, especially the part about trying to set all these goals at the same time. Why don't you pray about the 1 or 2 areas God would have you concentrate on first & put most of your time/prayer/effort into those areas? Just a thought. If you try to conquer all your "issues" at once, you may end up more discouraged & give up on all areas. If you're praying more & spending more time in the word, you will gradually become more obedient in all areas anyway.
I have another thought that may be highly unpopular (surprise) about why people....especially Christians tend to stay too busy. I know I dealt with the same issues when I first became a Christian, which I believe I shared with you in part. To me, when I look back, I think it was easier for me to stay so busy, thinking I was "serving the Lord" when much of what I was doing was really compromising. If I felt God was asking me to do something, I would often say..."well...I'm not really willing to do that yet, but I'll do this for you instead". Outwardly, I may have looked like I was serving God with all my heart because I was so involved in everything at church, but ultimately it was easier for me to stay busy than truly walk in obedience. I also struggled with trying to please man before God, something that still rears its ugly head occassionally. Much of what God asks us to do will never bring us glory or recognition, but that's besides the point. We need to everything, as Christians, with an eternal perspective & seek not to promote ourselves, but Jesus Himself. I'm not saying this is what you're doing, but these are some of the things I struggled with when I first became saved. It really hurt my growth in the Lord & it burnt me out because I was doing everything in my own strength instead of walking in His obedience & then whining to God that I was so tired & worn out all the time. Silly. Anyhoo, pray that He would reveal to you why you do take on too much & when He shows you (which He will if you ask) repent & change.
I love you Leah...remember, "He who began a good work in you will carry it out to the day of completion". Just keep on keeping on. Dianna
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